Yichun

hello guys wonder who still read this pseudo abandoned blog but i suddenly had this urge to jot down one entry on the last day of 2008.

in retrospect, 2008 has not been a really good year for you. being enlisted does not really help to improve things but that was not the main concern. i feel like i have wasted one year of my life away doing nothing. don't get me wrong, i'm not complaining about NS. In fact, i'm really glad to be where i'm posted to now. "NS is a waste of time" that was the common refrain. contrary i felt that this year has given me the opportunity to take a break from the world of academia and indulge in other things that really matters. i learnt a lot more about myself and my character at my workplace.

today is the last day of 2008 and i'm still the same old person always expecting myself to excel and perfect in everything that i do. one small mistake and i would dive into self reproach and wallow in self pity. i am my worst enermy. for o levels, i blamed myself for not studying hard enough to get 10 A1s. i'm innately competitive; soemthing which i disgust myself with sometimes. i'm always holding the "if others can do it. why can't i?" attitude. so i aimed to obtain perfect scores for A levels. this time not that i didn't get what i want but i still failed in terms of what i can do with my supposedly excellent grades. they are nothing but a few pathetic alphabets on a piece of paper. totally not representative of anything great. next, i applied for scholarships just because others are doing it. i wasn't sure what i wanted and i am close to hopeless when it comes to "thinking maturely" "speaking confidently" attributes of excelling in interviews. hence, needless to say, i wasn't offered any scholarships. i admit that i really envied others when i heard good news from that they got this and that scholarship. looking back at myself, i feel like a failure. thereafter comes piano examination. i concur that i haven't been practising hard nor possess the relevant soft skills required to be a good pianist. however when i saw how good my cousins were again i started blaming myself for not practising hard enough and wasting my time. why is it that they can play so well while i can't? to end of in a more depressing note, yesterday i took my driving test and undoubtly i failed. and the number of demerit points i scored was so much that it's equivalent to me crashing the car and meetin gwith an accident during the test. i heard of so many friends passing on the first time. again i felt very depressed, demoralised and engaged in a series of self reproachment for me being a failure. in almost all cases, thanks to friends who are kind enough to listen to my almost unnecessary whinnings and comforting which made me feel better. however the eventual person who can really help me is nobody but myself.

failure. hopefully i would learn to cope and live with it in year 2009.

cheers to a new year!

this is probably one of the few times i pushed so much for something and that is my CPL promotion. i was told by CPC that i need to pass my IPPT before i could be promoted to CPL. however, checks with directive and army fitness centre showed that there is no need for me to take ippt as long as i was excused for 6 months or more within my work year, which i have. i called some chief clerk at CPC this morning and she ostensibly insisted that i need to take ippt. my colleague told me that i had quite a vehement argument with her and i sounded like i was about to cry. LOL. in the end i told my office who was kind enough to stop her work to help me draft a email to CPC to clarify on the justification for my promotion delay. i mean what's the use of directives if everyone do different things and don't follow?

rushing driving lessons nowadays. i have seriously spent quite a lot of money on driving having been a slow learner and taking so many lessons. hopefully i would be able to pass on my first try. =/

ok i don't know when would be the next tiem i'm blogging again...